Splashed out on a new Kindle yet? Splashed out on anyone elses? Then it’s our great-self pleasure here at Diggingthedirt to lend a helping hand. Introducing the first installment in our filthy munsell-based trilogy… mummy porn! 

It was a dark and stormy night, and college graduate archaeologist Anastasia Steele lightly fingered the imperceptible edges of her hole. Perhaps it was a pit, perhaps it wasn’t. Perhaps it was a post-hole, perhaps it wasn’t. Perhaps it was an amorphous blob, perhaps it wasn’t.

Imploringly, she looked towards the Site Hut of Pain, where manipulative billionaire and site supervisor Christian Grey emerged. Striding masterfully across the soft brown earth, Grey  jumped in her trench, landing with an audible plop. Was that a WHS in his pocket or was he just pleased to see her? Answering with a look that pierced her soul, he knelt down beside her and unsheathed his impressive six-inch tool.

Her inner goddess quivered in expectation. Holy-Hell He’s Hot!

“Slave” he whispered huskily, “How dare you fail to adequately interpret this feature. Are you forgetting your non-disclosure agreement with Acme Archaeological Services? I’ll teach you to trowel a feature by god, if it’s the last thing I do!”

Roughly grasping her hand he wrapped it around his tool and moved it back and forth, parting the virginal earth like a veil.

“Mmmn, Yesssss. That’s it baby” he whispered, adding huskily “I think you’ve found wood….”

Feeling the girth, suppressing the mirth, her inner goddess died inside.

“Give me Anais Nin” said her inner goddess, “Give me Jilly Cooper. But for Flying F***s Sake, stop force-feeding me this filth!” scowled her inner goddess, marching off in disgust.